What did you expect when you were expecting?
By
Carly Cooper
When you first saw the pink plus sign on your pregnancy stick, what were your expectations of motherhood?
In most cases, if a mom is unhappy somewhere in motherhood, her expectations are way too high. Think about all the roles you play; mom, wife, sister, daughter, friend, cook, caregiver, chauffeur, housekeeper, employee, just to name a few.
Moms today are expected to do it all and they think they should love every minute of it. If it doesn’t always turn out that way, they feel let down, guilty or unhappy. Cut yourself some slack, moms! It’s hard to make the transition to motherhood. Most modern moms had a career before they became a mom. They spent money on education, time on climbing the ladder of success and then either put it on hold or gave it up completely when the kids were born. While you love being a mom, for some, it’s hard to let all of that go. You had an identity back then and a strong sense of who you were.
There’s also a tremendous amount of pressure moms put on themselves. They try to be perfect while living up to the expectations that have been put on them. This will almost always lead to disappointment and a sense of failure because you can’t reach the unattainable. Perfect doesn’t exist. Especially when it comes to motherhood.
It’s no wonder some moms are feeling stressed out, guilty and feel like they’re barely keeping it together.
The key to surviving motherhood is to get realistic. Here are 6 ways you can start.
1) Embrace your imperfections and allow yourself to be human. Give yourself a break! Learn from your mistakes and find ways to improve the things that don’t come naturally to you. Focus on what you’re really good at and rediscover your sense of humor. Remember, if things don’t work out the way you planned, it’s usually a funny story.
2) Redefine motherhood. Create your own realistic definition of what motherhood means to you. Take out the stuff that doesn’t fit in your world and introduce new ways of doing things that jive with your personality and values.
3) Nurture all the roles you play. Be a mom, a friend, a wife, a career woman and whoever else you want to be. But don’t define yourself in one role or give all your energy to just one area. You’ll burn out and neglect the other wonderful parts of who you are and all you have to offer.
4) Stop trying to be Supermom. She doesn’t exist! The sooner moms stop comparing, judging and envying each other, the sooner we’ll all embrace who we are as individuals. No one is perfect even when it looks like it on the outside. If you still feel inferior to that mom who always looks so put together, I guarantee she hates having to get her roots done every 3 weeks.
5) Be who you are regardless of what others may think. Be strong, courageous and dare to be different. Be honest and do what feels right for you and your family. If others have a problem with it, realize it’s their problem and they are probably just jealous that they don’t have the strength to go against the grain.
6) Accept that you won’t please everyone. If you’re back at work and you can’t be at every field trip your child has, be ok with that. It will mean more to her when you can attend. Make a commitment to let go of guilt and learn to say no. When you say no to things you don’t want to do you’re saying yes to things that excite you.
Action Challenge:
It’s time to alter your expectations and get real. Make a list of every expectation you have of yourself and that others have on you.
Now take a look at your list and ask yourself;
Prioritize your list and mark off the expectations that have the lowest value to you. For example, making a healthy meal may be a high priority, but cleaning the kitchen right away can wait so you can play with your kids before they go to bed.
Revisit the things on your list that you think you can’t change. For example, is it really out of your budget to hire help a few days a week? You may not think you have the money for it but the extra time it allows you will be invaluable.
Ease into this new life of realistic expectations. Try it out for one week and see if you feel better. Shuffle things around and make motherhood the incredible experience you always expected it to be.